I Have Selective Hearing Cow Embroidery Design, Machine Embroidery Pattern, Instant Download

Honestly what I love most about this one is that the cow dosent look guilty at all. She's just sitting there, chewing her grass, wearing those big thick-rimmed glasses, completely unbothered. The top text curves above her in a fancy cursive script, "I Have Selective Hearing," and then below in chunky bold lettering it says "I'M SORRY, You were not selected." Its the deadpan delivery that makes it work, the combination of the snooty glasses and that grass hanging out of her mouth.

She's a proper black and white Holstein, white face with black patches, little tan horns, pink inner ears and a soft pink nose. The tatami fill on the cow itself has alot of directional passes to give her that soft fluffy look, and the grass tuft she's sitting in uses a dense satin stitch that really pops in that bright leafy green. I ran this through pro digitising software with a density around 1106 stitches per square centimetre, so it holds up on denim and canvas without going stiff. Cutaway stabiliser is what you want under any of those heavy fill areas.

This design runs across 5 sizes, widths from 2.75 up to 5.9 inches, heights from 3.5 up to 7.5 inches. Use the bigger size on the back of a denim jacket where the full text reads at a distance, its worth it. The smallest fits on a chest pocket or a hat front nicely. Hoop your canvas twill taut, use a tearaway on firm fabrics, and Pop the design into the centre so the text arc sits level across the top.

A woman who runs a craft stall sent me a note last week saying she sold three of these in a single afternoon on tote bags, people kept picking them up off the table to read the joke and then buying without thinking twice. She said she wants the matching mug next. I cant say I'm suprised, its exactly that kind of dry humour that makes people stop walking and actually laugh out loud.

Pair this on heavier fabrics where the density shines. Fleece and sherpa work well, try a cutaway topping on fleece to keep the loop fibres from poking through the satin sections. Add a light underlay pass on jersey before the main fill, it keeps the cow outline crisp even when the fabric has stretch.

Flag me down if you need a smaller version for caps.